Stay
by mystripedskirt
Summary: It had taken many years to make him see it, but they'd always belonged together. NB


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

* * *

'_cause I was born  
To tell you I love you  
And I am torn to do what I have to  
To make you mine  
Stay with me tonight_

_-Secondhand Serenade "Your Call"_

* * *

_Nate Archibald is fifteen when he's alone with Blair Waldorf for the first time since they've started dating. They're kissing heatedly on her bed and it's so soft and she's so warm and he can't get enough of her and then she does the unexpected and rolls over on top of him._

_There's a sneaky grin on her face like she's the cat and he's the canary and she's about to eat him, but he thinks he might be okay with it if she keeps grinding against him like this. When it's almost too much and he's begging to explode, he holds out strong arms to steady her._

"_Blair, you're killing me," he states, "Seriously, baby. Stop, unless you're going to follow through."_

_But, he's playful and she loves him and she just rolls her eyes at him when she responds, "You're such a guy, Archibald."_

_However, she stops and he can feel the blood begin to ease slowly back into his head. He takes this time to flip her over and kiss her properly. He's ready to feel her and taste her and love her so completely she'll never be anyone else's until they hear the ding of the elevator and they're interrupted yet again and he kind of wants to just lie down and die. He thinks she's turning him into something as dramatic as herself, but right now, he can't honestly care._

* * *

It's been weeks since Nate Archibald has spoken to so-called best friend Chuck Bass, but he feels the need as he feels dejected, so he makes his way to the penthouse Chuck shares with the van der Woodsens.

He knocks on the door to hear, "I'm not in the mood," which makes Nate wonder who the hell (or whom) Chuck had in here previously.

He replies, "Good, I'm not either," as he turns the knob and makes his way into Chuck's room.

Chuck finally turns around, typical scotch in hand. He pours a glass for Nate, who swallows in large gulps. They sit facing each other in silence—Chuck on the makeshift bar, Nate on the bed—until it's enough and they both know what they're so silent about. It's been the huge elephant in the room for over a year and the looks on their faces tell each other that they're both not quite over a certain girl named Blair Waldorf.

Chuck is still as Nate bitches about Blair, until he speaks up quite suddenly, startling his friend, "It's stupid of you to want her to be anything but who she is."

Then, something in Nate snaps as he finally realizes that it's _him_ that's done it wrong all this time. She'd always been there for him and _he_ had been the one to screw it up. He's young and he's stupid and he would never make the same mistake of going after the blonde best friend had he known what was right in front of him.

He's deftly ignoring Chuck until he hears the words, "She could've had me, but she chose you."

There are more words, but he doesn't hear them, until Chuck mutters, "She just needs someone to believe in her," and then he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he can be that guy.

It takes years and Chuck Bass's knowledge for him to finally figure out how to properly treat this girl, but he's ready—goddamnit—so he certainly wants to try. He knows it's time to leave, because he has to get there before Chuck can, and he feels like the worst best friend in the world as he offers a refill that will never come. The glasses are set down on the first floor of the penthouse before he hops in one elevator in search of another.

* * *

Eleanor lets him in with kind eyes (for her) and a slightly warmed heart. She appears somewhat happy to see him, but he knows she's never liked Chuck. She mentions Blair is upstairs talking with Serena before she leaves to grab her daughter. Cyrus is walking in, still dressed for the Seder.

Nate hears Blair's even click against the marble stairs as she makes her way down. She appears to hop into Cyrus's welcome arms as she apologizes for being herself. Cyrus, ever the kind man, easily forgives her like he should forgive her, and it pangs his heart to know he's hurt her again. She's murmuring something about NYU and an interview and wowing the English department into accepting her and he's surprised because it's Blair, but she'd been doing nothing but surprising him as of late.

He decides it's time to step out of the parlor and say, "So I guess we'll both be staying in the city," to which her eyes dart over to him and take in his appearance.

She's disheveled like she's been crying (she probably has, and he immediately feels guilty once more), but she makes her way over to him like it's alright (she'd always been adept at ignoring his shortcomings) and throws her arms around his shoulders like she'll never let him go.

Nate's finally ready to love Blair like she used to love him (and maybe still loves him), but it's still hard to pour your heart out to the girl who has always been there. She doesn't slow down to pay attention like she had in the past and it's unsettling, but he accepts that she's changing and maybe they are together.

* * *

She's always thought life was a fairytale begging to be brought to life, so he invites her to prom where she wears a cloud of Marchesa and spins around the dance floor with Serena. It's her that's happy and Serena that's sad and it's such a contradiction to who they are that he has to pause to wonder who is who.

It's late and none of them are going to any lame after prom events, so he helps Blair back into their horse drawn carriage, but not before holding her hands and telling her he loves her. She's staring intently into his eyes and it's so evocative of so many other moments with each other that he blinks just to remember. He drops his hands from hers and trails them along her tiny waist until she leans in closer to him to kiss him, really kiss him.

It's heated and breathless, but it's worth it when she looks up at him again to whisper, "I love you, Nate Archibald. Always have, always will."

* * *

_It's the night of the debutante ball and Blair looks gorgeous like she always looked gorgeous and Nate contentedly stares at her dress in the corner of the room. She's beautiful curled up beside him and completely still in sleep._

_He's not ready to fall asleep yet because it's nice to finally sleep with her, so he holds her in his arms and gently rubs his hand up and down her arm. She had the softest skin he'd ever felt and he wonders if it's natural._

_Sleep is starting to catch up with him, however, and he is spent because she was rough, yet in control, and never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine Blair Waldorf would be a temptress in bed. By now he's yawning so he covers her naked body with the sheet before settling down next to her. Her hair still smells like the same strawberry shampoo he used to love (and he thinks, still loves) and he nestles into it before falling asleep._

* * *

Summer has passed and they're just about to buy books for school, when Nate realizes he and Chuck haven't actually spoken since he was last at the penthouse.

He's having coffee one day with Serena when he mentions this offhand and she responds, "I don't think you can ever really be friends again."

He's puzzled when he responds, "You and Blair worked it out."

Serena only shrugs and says with a smile, "We were never really in love," like it's nothing at all and he wants to say she is wrong, that he and Chuck are cooler than that, but in his heart he knows she's right.

* * *

He meets with his advisor before the start of his freshman year, but he's lost in this sea of college students and he's not sure what to do. The advisor smiles, expecting this. She asks what his hobbies are, what his parents did, and questions of the like.

"I played lacrosse at St. Jude's," he mentions, "My dad worked in finance. I don't know. I don't want to do that."

The advisor nods, as if this information was in any way helpful, before mentioning that he doesn't have to choose a major right now, but that he should be thinking about it in order to fulfill the necessary course prerequisites in the near future.

* * *

When he walks out the doors and into the sunlight, it's nice to find Blair waiting outside for him. She's wearing a cute baby blue sundress that flares slightly at her knees when she walks over to kiss him.

"Hi," she coos, in between kisses, "How did the advising appointment go?"

He shrugs, not wanting to talk about it. Besides, she was a great kisser, and there wasn't much to talk about. She doesn't complain as they make their way back to his new Upper West Side apartment.

* * *

_It's a betrayal, having your girlfriend sleep with your best friend. He's not sure who he should be madder at before the inner devil in him tells him not to be a hypocrite and his brain is filled with images of mussed blonde hair and gold dresses and champagne and the Shepherd wedding._

_He puts on running shoes so he can run away from the mess that is his life and run from his not-so perfect girlfriend as he runs through Central Park. It's not soothing and he didn't think it would be, but he punches one of the cement walls anyway._

* * *

It's easy to ignore someone who easily ignores you, so when his mother announces she's spending Christmas with the Vanderbilts, he tersely tells her he'll spend Christmas elsewhere. She looks hurt and he feels bad, but after the incident before Tripp's wedding, there's no way he's spending more than five seconds in their presence.

He's not sure what the hell he's going to do instead, so he clears his head by going for a run. He runs due south until he's in Greenwich Village, standing in front of Blair's apartment. He's dripping with sweat even though it's mid-December and he's pretty sure Blair's still in class, so he waits outside her apartment until she comes home.

She's there thirty minutes later, before she admonishes him, "You'll get pneumonia," but all the while looking him up and down before all he wants to do is take her inside and ravish her senseless.

She appears to have the same idea because her clothes are off in under a minute as he presses her behind her front door. He locks the door with his mouth still on hers and she's panting beneath him with those breathless gasps he adores so much.

* * *

They're different this time but they're still _them_—and God help it if he can't hang on to her this time—but he's scared and he's never felt this way with her before so he sucks it up before he does something really stupid. He's walking close to one of the NYU buildings before he spots Blair leaving her required biology class. It might be too late because his estranged best friend is waiting on the steps for her.

It's too much and even now he can't deal with this—deal with them—so he throws away the fresh hydrangeas he bought her and runs east and away from this life.

There was always a distraction. There was Chuck, then there was Marcus, then Carter—God forbid—and damnit if he couldn't just get it together to have her for his own. Wasn't she his, anyway?

* * *

_It's refreshing to meet someone outside of your immediate social circle and it's easy to fall for the quirky mannerisms of Vanessa Abrams. She's best friends with Dan Humphrey who's dating Serena and they're both from Brooklyn (which isn't actually that bad of a place, Nate thinks) and she knows about art and books and culture._

_He's lived in this city his entire life with its multitude of museums and coffee shops, but he's never been anywhere but the MET and Starbucks. Vanessa eyes him warily as she attempts to show him an entire world beyond Central Park South._

* * *

Blair calls him that night but he supposes he's slipping back into his old habits because he doesn't answer. It doesn't stop him from staring at the lit up '1 missed call' all night and he's really disappointed when she doesn't call back.

Maybe she has changed.

It takes a week and Serena to work up the nerve to speak to Blair. Serena comes over on a weekend in town and asks what the hell is wrong with him before he blows up in her face.

He mentions getting out of history early, taking a cab downtown, and feels extra pathetic when he mentions Blair's favorite flowers. He's finally become that guy and she seems to want to be that girl for someone else. They always had someone else, until they didn't, and then it was too late.

He decides he hates life. Serena shakes her head at him and looks at him sadly before responding that Blair misses him.

He's angry when he asks, "Why? I saw her with Chuck that day."

His hands are balled into fists and he wants to punch his apartment wall, but that might not be a good idea. He never was too good with anger management.

"Nothing happened, Natie," Serena quietly whispers, "Which you would know if you talked to her."

He finds her navy eyes do nothing to soothe him anymore (he doesn't know if they ever truly had) so he lets her out as he contemplates talking to his _girl_friend (he's not really sure what they are anymore and yes, he was the one to fuck it up again).

* * *

_He's with Vanessa at Bart and Lily's wedding when he sees her step out of the town car. It hurts him a little to see her so put together, but that was Blair for you. She's in a pink and white floral sundress that would probably look bad on everybody else, but it's perfect on her. She's wearing one of those big headbands she loves when she spots him across the street._

_She gives him a small smile he can't return, so she turns around and runs smack into Chuck. He steadies her and Nate wants to stop watching, but maybe he'd always been a masochist because he can't not look. They're fighting and it looks so natural and maybe it is time to not look because Vanessa grabs his arm and leads him inside._

* * *

Blair looks tiny and fragile as she answers her door in Brown sweatpants and his old lacrosse tee. But, she'd always been tiny and fragile and the parts of his heart that aren't hers are threatening to break. He's doing his best to hold it together when she lets him inside without even speaking.

There's an untouched mug of hot chocolate that isn't so hot when he touches it, so he makes his way to her cupboard to make her some more. She looks like she could use the nutrients and he needs something to keep his hands occupied so he doesn't fall apart at the sight of her.

"It's okay that you don't trust me," she mentions, and her voice is so small and so unlike Blair that he looks up as he's pouring the Nestle mix into her coffee mug, "I don't blame you."

He's angry when he responds, "It's not, Blair. It's not okay."

And she's so crestfallen and seemingly smaller than before that he sets the mug down before grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer to him. How did he spend a year without this girl? She was his whole life. He can feel her tears on his button down, but he pulls her tighter nonetheless, till she's so close it hurts and neither of them can breathe.

"Look at me," he insists, and when she does, he wipes her tears, "I have to work on my trust issues, because God knows I have lots of them, and they stem from my dad and Grandfather and Chuck and—"

"Me," she interrupts him, before closing her eyes in shame.

"It's long over," he says, but he has to be absolutely sure before his heart can be broken again, "Isn't it?"

And they're no longer talking about his trust issues and the big elephant in the room is now Chuck, but she nods and this makes things alright, so he picks up the mug and goes to heat it up for her.

* * *

It's summer again before they know it and his mother has run off with her high school sweetheart—Serena's father—and back to Connecticut, back to her old life. He's happy for her, but at dinner one night when she asks him about selling the townhouse, he's strangely okay with the notion and tells her to go ahead.

"I could keep it for you," she insists, but there's a sadness in her eyes that he wants completely gone.

"I don't want it," Nate replies honestly, "If we want to start over, we have to make new memories."

She smiles at this and he's happy to make her happy, if only for a little while.

* * *

_It's still the wedding and he's had a lot to drink when Chuck begs him to come outside. He doesn't think he owes the fucker anything because he stole his fucking girlfriend, but he gives him the benefit of the doubt when Chuck says it's about his father._

_When it turns out his father isn't buying what appears to be a brick, he punches him anyway because he does the easy thing by leaving him, by leaving his mom._

_Chuck spews something about being in love with Blair and he really can't take this right now, so he leaves the wedding without another word._

* * *

Blair's 4.0 lets her easily transfer into Columbia and he asks her why she didn't choose something else.

She answers truthfully, "If Yale doesn't want me, they'll never want me. I don't need them."

There is room in his apartment for her and her numerous things and when he asks if she wants to move in, she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him as an answer. Eleanor publicly frowns at the news, but he thinks she secretly cracks a grin at Cyrus when he's not looking. He's not positive.

* * *

When Serena rekindles her fling with European Gabriel (Nate still isn't sure which country he is from because he has such a mixed accent), she insists he and Blair come spend spring break with them in Spain.

They're collectively on the phone when Blair questions, "Didn't you accidentally have a _fun_commitment ceremony you thought was a marriage there two years ago?"

They can hear Serena's laughter on the phone when she replies, "Well, yes, but you should still come! It'll be fun. I promise, B. Come on, I know Natie wants to."

And she's taunting them, but it's Serena and it's Europe (and not something completely gross like Africa — which Blair would never go to) so they agree and they're on the next flight to Spain.

* * *

They visit the Royal Palace, take photos in front of the Palacio de Comunicaciones, and look at art in Museo del Prado, Museo Nacional Centro de Arte Reina Sofia, and Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza. Blair and Serena are sunkissed and beautiful as they roam the city in white sundresses, gold sandals, and loose curls. They were visions of dark and light and Nate catches Gabriel's eyes as they watch their girls dance across the Gran Via.

They drink bottles of Serena's favorite rioja at Gabriel's parents' home before they're leaning against each other, daring each other to do crazy things. Serena's are the craziest of all, but she's the drunkest and it's semi-early to be passing out, but Gabriel threatens to put her to bed anyway.

They don't sound like they're sleeping, so Nate pulls Blair out for a night out on the town. She's still wearing the same white linen dress from before, so he takes her hand in his as they walk the cobblestone streets of Spain.

* * *

They wander until they miraculously find their way to the Santa Maria la Real de La Almudena. It's late and it's probably stupid to be here, but Nate was nothing if not completely stupid around Blair, so he guides them into the cathedral.

There's a priest that spots them and asks, "¿Quieres casarte?"

Neither of them know much Spanish because they're fluent in French (but mostly Blair), but Nate knows to ask, "¿Qué?

The priest replies in heavily accented English, "Do you want to get married?"

So Nate looks over at Blair in shock, he thinks, but he loves this girl and she's looking up at him with those brown eyes that he's grown to love so much over the years.

"Blair?"

She whispers, "Yes?"

"Will you—" he pauses for the briefest of seconds because this is the rest of their lives they are deciding right now, because he knows if he marries Blair, there will be no one else forever, but there's been no one else for a long time, and so he continues, "—marry me?"

She's crying, but she's nodding and it looks like she's trying to say something but she's choked up inside.

* * *

_Nate hears about Blair's failed reconciliation with Chuck and he wants to maybe call her, but she's hurt him so much he can't take it right now, so he settles into this fake relationship with Serena to cover up the bang up job he's done with his life. When did he get so fucking pathetic that he fucked married women for monetary favors? He was Nate Archibald and he shouldn't have to succumb to this._

_He's with Serena at her Hamptons house and they're lounging and drinking and definitely not kissing when her phone buzzes and it's Blair and she answers it, only to hand it to him._

_He's high and kind of drunk and being in the sun isn't helping, so he asks, "What?"_

"_She wants to talk to you," Serena answers, rolling her eyes._

_It's about his sweater and her gold heart on his sleeve and he pretends to not know what she's talking about, but he definitely has it with him. She's asking for it back and he wants to spit in her face about Chuck and sluttiness and all that, but he thinks maybe he's hurt her more than enough so he just says she can have it back. She hangs up without another word._

* * *

Spring break is over and everyone is heading back to Gabriel's jet when Serena eyes their matching gold bands and screams, "WHAT ON EARTH?"

She's grasping both of their hands as Gabriel looks on in laughter when she stands openmouthed and wonders aloud, "I was the only one here and you didn't _invite_ me?"

She looks genuinely hurt, so Nate apologizes. Blair shrugs. Serena hugs both of them and they spend the plane ride back talking about everything from if it was legit (Blair thinks it is, because they mostly understood the priest, but she will ask Cyrus about it anyway), to new rings (Blair looks pointedly at Nate as he stares out the window, but he knows her better than this, of course there will be new rings), to when they are going to pop out lots of beautiful babies for Serena to be godmother to.

* * *

Nate makes sure to make a stop at Tiffany's to buy a plain platinum band for himself and a channel-cut diamond band for Blair before they tell their parents anything. It would be bad enough to tell Eleanor he and Blair eloped to Spain, but if she saw her daughter's finger adorned in yellow gold, she'd be sure to have his head on a platter.

The congratulations come in before they know it and they don't wonder how Gossip Girl knows anymore. Blair just shrugs, all nonchalance and un-Blair, before he slips on her new ring and she beams up at him like they'll be perfect forever. He hopes they will. He doesn't want their marriage and life to end up like his parents', or hers.

* * *

_It's senior year and things are practically over with Vanessa (again) when he and Blair become friends. They'd never really been friends, just boyfriend and girlfriend, and he thinks it might be kind of nice to have her in his life again._

_She knows him better than he knows himself when she brings his favorite breakfast and warm coffee each day without fail. She doesn't make him try strange Eastern European foods or watch foreign art films. He thinks he maybe even misses watching_Breakfast at Tiffany's _in her room on lazy Sundays, but he'll never tell anyone this aloud._

* * *

It's Blair's thirtieth birthday before most of them come together again. He and Chuck started speaking again a year ago, but Chuck still isn't comfortable enough to attend. Serena flew in from California to attend the party. Her dad and his mom come to their penthouse to celebrate the affair.

He picks up his children from school to do last minute shopping. They're at Tiffany & Co. (Nate thinks he might be singlehandedly funding their corporation) when he picks out chandelier earrings. Five-year-old Juliet shakes her head at him. He asks what's wrong.

"They're too big," she mentions, rolling her blue eyes, "Mommy likes the smaller diamond-shape ones."

He sighs because she'll be the absolute death of him, but he concedes and purchases the smaller ones. It's less than he anticipated to spend, so he looks expectantly at his brunette daughter to help him find something else. She only shrugs at him.

He looks over at his son to ask his opinion, but seven-year-old Tristan just ruffles his blond hair and yawns. They're not helpful and he has no idea what the hell to do (even after all these years), so the associate suggests an anniversary band.

"It's not our anniversary," he answers dumbly.

Juliet pipes up, "They're not just for anniversaries, Daddy. They stack! Mommy likes them. Buy one of those."

They're at the party and Serena's six-year-old Ethan Atwood keeps staring at his daughter, so Nate leaves Blair's side to protect his daughter from this stupid hormonal child. He decides he hates all males that aren't his son. Blair rolls her eyes at him, but leaves her seat to come sit next to her family.

When she looks up at him and kisses him for all their friends to see, he finally feels like he's come home and it's everything he's ever wanted and nothing he's deserved. It had taken many years to make him see it, but they'd always belonged together.

* * *

_"Stay."_

_It was one word that nearly ripped his heart in two, but Blair Waldorf had always been his first love. There was a piece of his heart that still belonged to her and in this moment, he could not deny her. He could not deny her again._


End file.
